Wednesday, May 14, 2014

WILT Wednesdays 5.14.14

Whoot! I'm back with WILT (what is Lisa thinking) Wednesdays! It feels like it's been forever since I've done this type of post but work and home life has just been really crazy and I haven't had a chance to sit down and write a post about the ever-so-important thoughts that cross my mind.

So I'm currently in the process of writing my maid-of-honor speech for my sister's wedding in September. I know that my "official" title should be matron-of-honor since I'm married, but that makes me sound like an old hag and I'm just not feeling it, so I'm sticking with maid.

I know it's a bit early but I figure that way I can add, edit, and delete content until it's just perfect. I've come to terms with the fact that I'm probably going to offend some people. You see, I tried really, really hard to be sentimental and mushy and all that shit but that's just not me at all. So I deleted the entire first version of my speech and started over. It now somewhat reflects the writing style of this blog. It includes some funny-isms, a little bit of swearing, and a boat load of sarcasm.

maid of honor duties
Now that's a good maid-of-honor...
(source unknown)
When I was thinking about how I was going to present my speech my first thought was to sing it. Then I thought to myself, "No Lisa, it's not fair to you to share your gift with all these people free of charge." Then I thought, I'll rap it! But alas, after trying to rap one paragraph I decided that I should stick to what I know best - talking (a lot!) and being sarcastic. P.S. I am completely tone deaf so I really decided not to sing for the benefit of others.

So to my dearest Julie - that's my sister for those of you who don't know - please remember these few little details:
  • Since I'm already married and you've given your speech, I'm free to air all your dirty laundry. I will not do so unless you decide to be not-so-nice to me any time between now and the wedding, then it's fair game.
  • Just because it's your wedding day does not mean you can treat me like your little bitch. If you choose to do so, just know that I will have enough time to alter my speech as needed.
brides bitch
via someecards
  • Please warn any of your soon-to-be-in-laws about me so they are not surprised when certain words come out of my mouth. If they get highly offended by people who swear, it may be a good idea to suggest they leave the room during my speech. Actually, maybe I should just add that disclaimer to the beginning of my speech.
  • If there are any stories that I ABSOLUTELY cannot tell, you need to warn me ahead of time. I generally think all stories are funny and are perfect for sharing with others. This tends not to be the general consensus of others so a heads up would be good.

    I think that pretty much covers it but I will leave you with this last warning: I will be drunk when I give this speech so I make no guarantees or promises about how it will go down.

via someecards

I will say that if someone decides to videotape this speech, I will put it up on this blog along with my planned written speech so you can all decide for yourselves how big a train wreck it actually was. Again, her wedding isn't until September so it'll be awhile but this gives you something to look forward to. :)

No comments:

Post a Comment