Wednesday, April 2, 2014

"WILT Wednesdays" 4.2.14

Snooki sigh
via .gif emporium

Snooki, I feel ya girl....

It's one of those days where there aren't enough bottles of White Zin in the world to bring up my mood.

Let's back it up a little so you can fully understand the train wreck that is Lisa today.

Friday: Adriana goes in for her 18 month check-up, a few weeks late I might add because I forgot to make an appointment. So we get there and she has a fever, which whatever, but I kinda felt like a craptastic mom because I had no idea. Then the doctor proceeds to tell me that she's "behind" because she's not clearly saying 6-20 words and that if she doesn't improve in the next few months, we should see a speech therapist. No joke, I almost punched the idiot square in the face but as it turns out, I just don't look good in stripped body suits, so I contained myself. This asshat is not her normal doctor but I had no choice to see him as her Pediatrician is out on leave, so they gave me the 12 year old "doctor" who somehow skipped over all of high school, college, and med school so that he could quote to me every suggestion out of the American Academy of Pediatric handbook. I hate him.

So we get home after her appointment, she's pissed because it's WAY past her nap time and she doesn't feel good. I force some Tylenol down her throat and lay her down for a nap. 3 hours later she wakes up and barfs all over the carpet and myself. I spent my Friday night cleaning barf out of the carpet, come on, how jealous of me are you right now?!

Fast forward to Monday morning, I go in to Adriana's room to get her up and ready for the day and what do I find? She barfed all over her crib. And not just that, but it had happened early in the night because it was hard and crusty and she rolled in it over and over. The poor girl must have barfed in her sleep because neither Chris or I heard her wake up.

So later Monday, it's a gorgeous day out - probably around 70 - and Roxy (my asshole dog) decides to go on a little scenic view of our property. The NWS issues a tornado warning in our county and I freak out because I can't find Roxy. I eventually find her in our burn pit and she wasn't white and black when she walked out, more like black and blacker, so I spanked her ass and then had to give her bath. The tornado warning went away and then the blizzard warning kicked in. Yeah, you read that right, a tornado and blizzard warning within hours of each other, this is the kind of fucked up state I live in.

Anywho, the Meteorologists were wrong again, and we barely got any snow and there was in fact, no blizzard. The extreme temperature changes have now caused a sore throat for me that's so bad it would put strep throat on steroids to shame. I was up for most of the night last night because I was so miserable, I seriously cannot get the sickness out of my house.

To add the cherry and whip cream on top of it all, I received an e-mail from someone, who shall remain nameless, correcting my grammar. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate good grammar as much as anyone, but it was for adding an apostrophe where it apparently didn't belong, it's not like I misused there/their/they're. It just really pissed me off because it wasn't corrected in a light tone, it was serious and all I could think was how fucking ridiculous it is that there are SO many more important things to be doing or improving on, and you're spending your time correcting my slight misuse of an apostrophe. Go fuck yourself.

I decided that I was going to drown my sorrows in Chinese food for lunch. When I got back to my office to eat and opened the bag and discovered I had been given 4 fortune cookies. I'm assuming that poor college girl who was working must have seen how terrible I looked and decided that I could use some good fortune.

Here they all are:


1. Keep in touch with your feelings
2. It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end
3. You will be invited to an exciting event
4. You're bound for an exciting destination

1. I cry at commercials, I would say that I'm already am
2. This is just stupid
3. My sister literally just invited me to go see 'Wicked' with her while I was eating lunch so that must have been it. Eeek, I'm excited for it!
4. As long as it's a destination with a beach, I'm in.

This was a pretty whiny post so to end on a positive note, I'm in the process of planning my sister's bachelorette party, it won't be for a few months yet but holy moly it's going to be a shit show and I can't wait!

later bitches!

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